So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
