my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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