i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
