I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
