Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
