If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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