My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
