i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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