Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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