I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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