There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
