i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We got so high we made milksteak
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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