Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
