I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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