i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
