it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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