Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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