dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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