and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
