This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
