Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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