This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
