well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
