it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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