soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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