do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
