can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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