yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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