Quick, to the slutcave!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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