She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
