I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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