i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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