Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
