i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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