guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
