DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
