you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
