I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
