He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
