If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
