I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We need to get me chipped asap
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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