Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am naked and annoyed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
