absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
