my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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