oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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