Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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