Kiss
Puke
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
