in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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