Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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