Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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