She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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