You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
