Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
