i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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