you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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