She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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