he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
