Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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