so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize