i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
