Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
