Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
