I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
