her vagine was all disorganized.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
