Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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