I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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