The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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