covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
