Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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