I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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