we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
