So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
