I think I won the penis lottery.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
