i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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