I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
