It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
please come you make the beer taste better
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
