I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
