your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
