im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
