Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
