I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I party with great urgency now.
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