Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
